The City & the Northern Girl #11

Just how Northern are you?

Image: Simon Cocks.
Image: Simon Cocks.

This week saw my Facebook and Twitter bombarded with people’s results from the fabulous and utterly inaccurate online test which, based on questions, reveals to you just how Northern you really are (just so you know, I got the perfect score of 100% which made me ridiculously happy and sort of proud). If you haven’t heard of it, firstly where the hell have you been? And secondly, you can find it here at

So it got me thinking. 10 sure fire signs that you’re Northern. Or for you Southerners, 10 sure fire signs that you are definitely not one of us. Let’s go.

1. You consider chips and gravy to be a national dish. It’s not quite bridged the North/South divide just yet, sob, but it’ll grace their chippies soon. Whack’a pie on there for good measure too.

2. You thought your accent was barely noticeable yet now I live down South, I can tell you that to Southerners, you’re basically Peter Kay. And you may have to repeat yourself. A lot. And your Southern friends will mimic your accent when drunk, albeit badly.

3. You refuse to wear a coat on a night out and will freeze to death rather than cover up that new Primarni dress. Cloakrooms? Never heard of them.

4. You quite happily spend an entire bus journey chatting to the old dear next to you about her grandson: “He won man of the match last week for his under 7s match? Aw, he’ll be the next David Beckham that one.”

5. You can cut a long story short by simply using the gift of dialect: “Are yer comin’ down t’pub t’night, rugby’s on”. Vowels waste time.

6. Watching The Royle Family is basically like watching your own family on the TV.

7. You can quite frequently be found in the nearest pub demanding to know where the head on your pint is. Ain’t no one got time for flat pints. Or pear-flavoured cider for that matter.

8. You grew up in a world where ‘lunch’ is ‘dinner’ and ‘dinner’ is ‘tea’. If anyone questions this, just ask them why then was this so-called lunch always patrolled by ‘dinner ladies’ at school.

9. Grabbing your winter coat, scarf, gloves, everything but the kitchen sink, and going to see Blackpool Lights is a much anticipated annual event in your calendar. Sugared doughnuts, an obligatory Instagram picture of Blackpool tower and half the night spent in the arcade with countless 2ps –Oxford St Christmas lights ain’t got nout on this.

10. Your hometown may be a sh*thole but it’s your sh*thole, and only residents of said hometown can complain about it. And you’ll defend it to death should anyone dare to suggest otherwise.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *