Image: Eibx.
Image: Eibx.

Hey, hi, hiya, how are my best girlfriends? My name’s Funky Ankle Sock, with a ‘y’, but my bezzies call me Sassy Fassy. Mainly because I’m pretty sassy and because the first letters of my name are fas and if you add ‘sy’ onto it and then it rhymes with sassy…

Anyway, I’m on the cusp of Pisces AND Aries, so whilst I’m totally, definitely a water sign, it’s like, you can’t really put your finger on me. It’s like I’m borderline shy/wild. A practical accessory that makes sure you’re feet are neither too cold, nor too sweaty, but is also totally saying like ‘yeh, I like a Lambrini (or two ;P)’, do you know what I mean?

Essentially, what I definitely am saying though, is that you know that really awkward look when you’re wearing tights with a lighter trainer? A Doc Marten or a yummy loafer? Pop on an ankle sock, winter sorted! And then! Come summer when your tightless and your jelly shoes are making your feet well sticky and like, well blistery BOOM ankle sock.

But what about the ‘Funky’ element? Well, I come in every colour, every pattern. Personal favourites? Cat, sparkly, flowery, tartan, the list goes on. Yeh, didn’t think ‘Cat’ was a print did you? Well, if you really wanna scream, ‘I’m single! (definitely by choice)’, then this is the pattern to go with, MEOW.

My mate Caz’s cousin’s best mate Big Tony apparently told Fat Lucy’s brother-in-law’s colourist Sharon that I shorten the leg and increase the appearance of cankles, and that may be true. But, it’s like, looking totally adorbs and bubbly comes at a price, do you know what I mean?

Not too much of a price though. Have you SEEN the deal Topshop does on socks? 3 for £8! AND they come with frilly bits on AND Hippos?! Socks are the ultimate prezzie as well, so I bet you’ve got a whole flippin’ draw of them already. What are you like?! Anyway, I’m gunna go and find some old ‘Take Me Out’ episodes on the internet that I definitely missed. Bye babe xXxXx

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