It Must Have Been Love, But It’s Over Now…

Image: lucyburrluck.
Image: lucyburrluck.

With February 14th fast-approaching, the editorial team at CUB have clubbed together and
got you all something to make up for your single-dom, or your current lack of inspiration for
your significant other. So cuddle up and enjoy the cringiest moments of our dating history
so far…

“Once was having sex with my ex in the dark, as you do, and we were so caught up in the moment we didn’t realise he was having his first ever nosebleed at the same time. Cue finishing, turning on the lights and seeing a bloodbath. When I asked him “how did you not realise?!” His response was: “Never had one before, just thought you were giving me really slobbery kisses”. Charming”

“I was meeting a guy for a first date after meeting at work, I have a habit of always being early- which he was obviously yet to discover- so I was already at the bar, waiting for him to turn up. Unfortunately this meant I was there to witness him coming into the bar, taking off his wedding ring, putting it in his pocket and THEN notice me sat, open-mouthed watching his every more. Safe to say I made a pretty quick exit…”

“Well once my boyfriend and I were so caught up in getting our clothes off I leant forward, he leant forward I got head butted and had to explain the black eye to everyone for a week.”

“Performing oral sex on a guy I was seeing after Hail Mary.. And he fell asleep. Awks.”

“I had someone in my room, when I was in boarding school. Things were getting hot and heavy with her and just as I was pulling her clothes off, the house matron knocked and started to push the door open. Both of us had just enough time to gather ourselves and when she did open the door fully, she probably saw two students standing at opposite ends of my (very tiny) room, but both staring very intently at the screensaver of my laptop. Ah the importance of knocking.”

“When I was with my first boyfriend, we were having sex and my Dad tried to open my bedroom door, which I had jammed shut with a door wedge. He put a squeaking guinea pig through the gap in the door and pointed it at us saying ‘I know what you’re doing. Stop that!’ Mortifying, definite mood killer.”

“I once drunkenly gave my number to a mysterious French stranger. We agreed to go on a date where I was confronted with the fact that he could speak nearly no English, only enough to talk about football. He also disagreed with drinking so after two painful silent hours I got a friend to call me up and ran off on an invented crisis.”

So, flying solo or sickeningly coupled up relish the fact that you didn’t endure any of this- and feel free to leave your own stories in the comments. There’s safety in numbers, although apparently none of us were safe.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *