14 ways you know you work at the Learning Café

1. You know that most people can’t tell the difference between a Latte and a Cappuccino

2. You can sort people by their drinks orders. Large black Americanos are for twats, as are flat whites

3. Most soy drinkers aren’t vegan or lactose intolerant. They’re just pretentious.

4. If you have to argue with a customer about why they can’t have a free cup, fork or spoon one  more time – you  will kill someone

5.  You don’t know the real price of half the stock and end up guessing everything is worth as much as Kettle Chips

6.  When exam season rolls around, you won’t recognise half of the staff members

7.  You get visibly angry when you see someone walk in at night, and take an item of stock

8.  You worry there is a phantom coffee drinker who steals drinks when you aren’t looking

9. You’ve used the phrase ‘We don’t have red chai – only spiced, vanilla or green’

10. You know that you make worse coffee than Ground, but hey, the jobs easier

11. You know the real, actual, wounding pain of a broken card machine

12. You have at least one customer who you despise, and refuse to serve out of principle

13. You’ve eaten a floor muffin

14. You secretly hope custom is slow so that you can return in a blaze of glory and pilfer wastage

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