Strangulation? Second Date? No Notice? – You’ve got to be choking

Strangulation, dressing up, food, toys, role play. All reasonable, different and interesting sexual phenomena that may appear within a relationship. Yet, whatever your kink may be, it is only polite to share these preferences at some point.

Unfortunately, as I recently discovered, this is not always the case. Yes, I hear your sniggers, I don’t expect anything else. There, at home, eating soup and thinking ‘thank god it’s not me.’ Well, dear soup eating friends, I ask you this: is it ever acceptable to get your kink-on without warning?

So let’s air out the laundry shall we? Get down to it? I know you’re gagging for it.

I was in a somewhat casual relationship – weren’t we all – with a man I’d met a couple of months earlier. We’d been out of couple of times and all seemed, dare I say it, to be ‘going well.’

Now, in a new relationship there are subtle ways to let your partner know certain things that you like. You might have a craving for strawberries, a fascination with the nautical or a bloody great interest in antiques. But is the beginning of a new relationship really the time to alleviate your aching anxiety about your affinity for asphyxiation?

Having only recently met my partner, my biggest concern was whether I should wear heels or flats. His wasn’t. Although I have no issue with anyone’s preferences, I’m neither pro-choke nor anti-choke, I feel that communication is the key – maybe just a little hint you like a choke or two. Otherwise, perhaps you’ll leave your partner feeling, as I did: “oh my god, he’s going to kill me.” Maybe if you’d have let me know before, man who shall remain anonymous, I would have called you back.

It seems to me that topics such as particular kinks could very well be brought up at the very beginning of a relationship, if either felt confident enough to do so. But for some unknown reason society doesn’t allow that, it firmly shouts us down, a big, wagging finger going ‘NO! Only a little bit of crazy at first!’ In turn, it’s the very lack communication that becomes the issue, leaving both parties thinking ‘oh no…what did I do wrong?’ So now its moral time: Talk more, be open, communicate – maybe your partner might even be turned on by your honesty or confidence if not your own fantasy. Chances are they’ll be much more willing to give things a go if they’re aware of what’s going to happen and not unexpectedly turning blue.

As a consequence as I now actively try to avoid this person, the only issue is that they just so happen to live directly over the road and I see them numerous times a week in the library. Let’s just hope the next time I decide to date someone they’ll leave me breathless for all the right reasons. At this point I try to look on the bright side and think “It’s Uni, anything goes, and if I’m going to be choked in bed, I suppose now is as a good a time as ever…just warn me!”.



3 thoughts on “Strangulation? Second Date? No Notice? – You’ve got to be choking

  1. Hang on, so a man non-consensually and without warning choked you and you’re writing it into a light-hearted piece on kink at university? Responsibly kinky people wouldn’t ever involved others in their kink without their consent – sounds more like assault, or at least someone getting way too much bedroom advice from Fifty Shades. Glad to know the author is okay.

  2. I totally agree with Anon that we shouldn’t condone invasive actions by responding with a complicit snigger or an apathetic sigh! However, I read this piece as a helpful (but non-accusatory) way of communicating the fact that this particular type of behaviour is not necessarily to everyone’s taste and that young men who have somehow come to the conclusion that this is acceptable (when non-consensual????) seriously need to rethink their approach. Now!!!!!”

  3. Great piece. You’ve managed to take something serious yet make it witty- whilst still getting the message across. People should definitely talk more!

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