Strangulation, dressing up, food, toys, role play. All reasonable, different and interesting sexual phenomena that may appear within a relationship. Yet, whatever your kink may be, it is only polite to share these preferences at some point.
Unfortunately, as I recently discovered, this is not always the case. Yes, I hear your sniggers, I don’t expect anything else. There, at home, eating soup and thinking ‘thank god it’s not me.’ Well, dear soup eating friends, I ask you this: is it ever acceptable to get your kink-on without warning?
So let’s air out the laundry shall we? Get down to it? I know you’re gagging for it.
I was in a somewhat casual relationship – weren’t we all – with a man I’d met a couple of months earlier. We’d been out of couple of times and all seemed, dare I say it, to be ‘going well.’
Now, in a new relationship there are subtle ways to let your partner know certain things that you like. You might have a craving for strawberries, a fascination with the nautical or a bloody great interest in antiques. But is the beginning of a new relationship really the time to alleviate your aching anxiety about your affinity for asphyxiation?
Having only recently met my partner, my biggest concern was whether I should wear heels or flats. His wasn’t. Although I have no issue with anyone’s preferences, I’m neither pro-choke nor anti-choke, I feel that communication is the key – maybe just a little hint you like a choke or two. Otherwise, perhaps you’ll leave your partner feeling, as I did: “oh my god, he’s going to kill me.” Maybe if you’d have let me know before, man who shall remain anonymous, I would have called you back.
It seems to me that topics such as particular kinks could very well be brought up at the very beginning of a relationship, if either felt confident enough to do so. But for some unknown reason society doesn’t allow that, it firmly shouts us down, a big, wagging finger going ‘NO! Only a little bit of crazy at first!’ In turn, it’s the very lack communication that becomes the issue, leaving both parties thinking ‘oh no…what did I do wrong?’ So now its moral time: Talk more, be open, communicate – maybe your partner might even be turned on by your honesty or confidence if not your own fantasy. Chances are they’ll be much more willing to give things a go if they’re aware of what’s going to happen and not unexpectedly turning blue.
As a consequence as I now actively try to avoid this person, the only issue is that they just so happen to live directly over the road and I see them numerous times a week in the library. Let’s just hope the next time I decide to date someone they’ll leave me breathless for all the right reasons. At this point I try to look on the bright side and think “It’s Uni, anything goes, and if I’m going to be choked in bed, I suppose now is as a good a time as ever…just warn me!”.