1. Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament
Though it may be the famous bell, and yes, those are the buildings Guy Fawkes tried to blow up, the same experience is mimicked by a postcard.
2. London Eye
Beautiful, but expensive. And very slow, and very unlucky if you are trapped in a pod with a rather smelly person in it.
3. London Dungeons
The same experience as your family Halloween party: you walk in, try to get into the spirit, but all you end up with is fake blood in your hair and crying children falling over your feet.
4. Trafalgar Square
Although this is a classic site, it is also not one for claustrophobics or germaphobes. For the latter, there are pigeon doings everywhere, and for the former, the swarms of pigeons themselves that are the problem.
5. Piccadilly Circus
A disappointment: instead of feeling the awesome sense of consumerism that equals Times Square or Tokyo, you simply stare at billboards in the rain then get poked in the eye with a tourist’s umbrella.
6. Buckingham Palace
Another snap-and-run unfortunately, as Queenie is rarely home, and when she is, she isn’t likely to come out and wave.
7. Natural History Museum
Yes, there are dinosaurs’ bones. Yes, there are animatronic dinosaurs. However, the thrill will wear off in the hour queue in which you have to wait to go and see them.
8. Oxford Street
There should be a large sign outside Oxford Circus Station that simply reads “Beware all ye who enter here”. When a street is home to Primark of such size, and a Topshop with a bubble tea place (in case of hipster dehydration), the crowds grow to an unimaginable size.
9. Tower Bridge (with a view of the Thames)
Whilst doing its trick of moving up and down, it’s very exciting. Whilst stationary? Not so much.
10. Camden Market
90% make up of meme t-shirts, incense stick and general tourist related rubbish.