Upon reaching the cheese course of a ‘civilised’ dinner party with a couple of friends, the subject of the cringiest places we’ve ever had sex arose. Despite blushing into the baked camembert (my friend leaning over it so far in embarrassment she ended up with camem-boob) we were rolling around in hysterics, so I decided to continue the conversation and ask around QM to find ten of the cringiest places students have had sex.
1. In the toilets. On a train, in the university, in a club: QM students seem to love playing naked sardines in the public lavs. And in bathrooms, too, “My face was shoved in the sink, rubbing against old toothpaste and tiny hairs.”
2. In a car. “A car pulled up next to us, had a look in our car and seemed to drive off, but instead turned around to face our car, turned his lights off and just sat there… obviously we didn’t continue.”
3. In the back of a mini-van on top of some groceries. (I can’t even begin to imagine the discomfort of carrots, potatoes and tinned beans.)
4. Against a tree: “bark HURTS.” Alfresco is a popular one, including students lying on mosquitoes and ants with dog-walkers strolling past.
5. On a windowsill “… not realising the oncoming traffic could see. Everything. Until a lorry honked at a very well-timed moment.”
6. With a personal trainer on a squash court. “There was like a tiny moment when nothing happened, then he locked the door to the squash court and EVERYTHING happened right there… I sometimes wonder what happened to the security cameras.”
7. In someone else’s house, when no-one else was in, and he didn’t live there. Baffling.
8. In a lobby. “Luckily I could pull down my dress if someone was about to walk past. They did.”
9. On the table in our communal area. Always spray down surfaces.
10. In a bed… with someone else in the room. “We were far too drunk but luckily covered up. The main issue was that I was dirty talking. I really don’t think the guy wanted to know what I was going to do to his friend.”
11. In a vicarage. Because we students are more sinn’d against than sinning.