Fine and Dandie: Social Media Has Come Down with a Virus…

And it’s cloying. It’s excruciating. It’s way too prevalent for my liking. I am sure everybody knows what I refer to when I say, ‘inspirational’ quotes offset against a ‘scenic’ backdrop.

What tugs on my vom reflex more than a backdrop of The Himalayas in Sutro filter (because this completely resonates with ‘follow your dreams guuuurlfriend,’) or a generic oak tree in a field somewhere with absolutely no geographical connection to you as an individual, is that these quotes are entirely uninspirational, and untrue.

Here are six of the very worst.

#1: Everything happens for a reason (alongside a picture of some forest.)
Because let’s endorse a lazy and negligent, ‘fate will sort my shit,’ outlook on life.

#2: A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous (let us not forget the purple Georgia Italic font.)
Sorry? Pretty sure a woman can be anything she wants?

#3: Nothing is impossible (offset by a picture of some random stretch of ocean.)
Actually, the impossibilities are endless. Try diving to the very bottom of that ocean and stopping your intestines from being squeezed out of your eye sockets, then we’ll talk. Oh yes. We couldn’t talk. Because you’d be dead.

#4: If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door (complimented by an image of a super ornate door somewhere.)
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s the myth of meritocracy. A greater percentage of the world don’t have four walls, and therefore no canvas on which to mount a door.

#5: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (cue silhouetted image of guy walking in big field towards a really twinkly star.)

#6: Everything has beauty (backed onto an image of a girl glancing away from the camera lens with a tragic expression. You can totally see the conflict in her eyes. So soulful. So vulnerable.)
Sorry, but the inside of a McDonald’s 99p chicken mayo is not beautiful. Neither is genital herpes. Neither is the moment in a club when the lights come on.

Now I have addressed this saccharine nonsense, I might be able to enjoy my 99p chicken mayo without having to recognise its beauty.

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