I recently discovered that the best hangover descriptions don’t come from humans…but from our canine friends.
PHASE ONE: WAKING UP
Torture. Absolute and utter torture, hungover or not.
“No. No. I’m not moving. No.”
PHASE TWO: REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS
So after wrestling your eyelids open, you start to turn on your brain…very very slowly.
“Life?! What was that again?!”
PHASE THREE: PANIC.
Ah, the classic “WHERE AM I?” existential crisis, coupled with the ever so terrifying phone, keys and purse search, whilst trying to deciper the origin of new treasures. This could go one of two ways really, but always leaves us with this face..
“I swear, I have never seen so many Dixie Chicken boxes in my entire life.”
PHASE FOUR: EMPTYING
After partially registering how much crap you ingested last night, your body decides to give you a dramatic nudge towards the toilet…something’s in there, and it needs to come out NOW.
PHASE FIVE: SELF CONTEMPLATION.
Now here is where our brains suffer the most, finally looking at yourself in the mirror and examining the damage done to your physical being is one of the most painful experiences after a night out.
“Let’s just hope these are not permanent…yelp.”
PHASE SIX: FOOOOOOOD.
Recently scientists have discovered that healthy food is better to cure hangovers…but can you really be bothered?!?
“Yes, Mr. Domino, I’ll have seven of these.”
PHASE SEVEN: CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD
After scoffing your face you decide to pick up your laptop and begin the awful quest of erasing every embarrassing moment that may have happened to you the night before…oh, the horror.
“What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Doing.”
PHASE EIGHT: GETTING DRESSED
You try and shower and get dressed to attempt to get over the exhaustion. However, this quickly becomes an impossible task.
“I can do this. I look fabulous.”
PHASE NIN:. APPARENT NONCHALANCE
You eventually get sick of the hangover and decide it is a great idea to do “normal things” and ignore the anguish. Just because you had too much to drink last night, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your day right?
“I can do this, I’m totally fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong here.”
PHASE TEN: REPEAT.
You get a phone call about plans for that evening, suddenly the day of battling headaches, laziness, exhaustion and dread, you accept. And that makes total sense, because what else would you do?!
“ROUND 2 HERE WE GO”