5 stages of drunk as we know them

  1. Merry
    “This is cool! The music seems a little bit louder than usual and these colours are kind of bright  – still, discussion on Nietzsche you say? I’m down with that…” This stage of drunk is probably better characterised as tipsy – everything’s a bit funnier than usual but you can still hold a pretty coherent conversation. At least you think you can…
  2. Denial
    Denial is the stage where you spend five minutes sitting on the toilet contemplating the facts of the universe, and have to lie to your friends that there was a long queue instead. You insist that you’re not walking in the straight line because of a gale force wind, and you’re certain that it has nothing to do with the tequila you just necked. You’re sober…honest!
  3. Acceptance
    You’re drunk, and you get that, and you’re out so you might as well enjoy it. Best ways to do this include dancing in the middle of the road, being convinced that you can indeed twerk, telling a random stranger that you love their hair, getting off with the loner in the corner and shots. All the shots.
  4. The comedown
    It’s two in the morning and after a long night of sweating wildly and perhaps puking oh-so-discreetly in the unisex toilet, there’s nothing you want more than bed and a cup of tea. Remembering how to speak using actual words has become a skill you just can’t grasp, and you’ve probably fallen over at least once, if you’re lucky.
  5. The hangover
    You wake up, check the clock, and it’s 11am. That lecture you swore you’d go to? Been and gone. If you’re brave enough to try and move your head, you find that it’s been colonised by a wasps’ nest, and don’t even think about attempting to eat. You’ll feel like someone’s punched you for the next day and regret everything intensely. Do it all again tomorrow? You bet…

 

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