We’ve all been there: stuck in a crowded room that happens to be deathly quiet, when something horribly embarrassing happens. People scrutinise, grin and send out a swift tweet of mockery and then you’re left, unable to escape the intense judging. Save your shuddering for the imminent cringe sesh, as we give you just a short list of things that you would never be able to live down when in public:
- Speaking to your friend, thinking she’s right next to you, when she isn’t
Nothing like a good show of psychosis to bring that shopping trip to life, ey? Thank you for walking away to look at the sale items, mate, thank you.
- Your award-winning sarky response going over everyone’s heads
You think you’ve just made badass comment of the decade. Everybody else chooses to follow it up with a stunned silence as they try and make sense of the response you worked so hard on.
- Tummy rumbles
… Always mid-lecture. ALWAYS. Your stomach becomes the persistent mother-type and keeps reminding you of your hunger, except it can’t speak English and so decides to gargle deeply for the whole world to hear.
- Making a gossip-rookie mistake
Bitching about somebody behind their back, and the absolute horror you experience when you realize that they’ve been within earshot the entire time? Yep, not much beats this one.
- Accidental spanking
Suffocated in a packed tube and wanting to flatten your fringe, you try to force your hand out of its imprisonment far too enthusiastically and *thwack*, it hits something it should never have hit. What is your life.
- Pushing a “pull” door, or vice versa
Looking flustered when it doesn’t open despite putting all your strength into it…and then someone opens it the opposite way and you slide to the floor, proceeding to die in a flood of stupidity.
- Being too innately nice
Asking someone what they plan to do at the weekend – and wanting the ground to swallow you up when they say they’re going to a funeral/a hospital/bury their dog, with you absent-mindedly responding with “cool, have fun!”
Image credits to Jamie McCaffrey.