Freshers has been and gone and I hope you’ve realised: you have options. Yes, you’ve been excited and your legs have wobbled even if you’re a third year (because everybody knows third years love fresh meat), but don’t fall in too deep. Don’t run off into the distance with the bloke you bumped into at Monday’s Calling because by exam period you will (probably) loathe each other. You might even end up moving in together – meaning working, living and playing together – and slowly but surely become fed up with the prospect of sleeping in the same room. My resolution to all of these problems, you ask? Date someone who isn’t a student.
I’m not going to beat about the bush. One of the top reasons not to date a student, my (shallow) friends, is money. If you date someone who isn’t a student you’ll probably have a little more cash to play with. You’ll have the ability to go somewhere other than Nandos and ’Spoons for your romantic dates and you might even get to drink on non-student-nights. If, even with his or her full-time-job you still don’t have any dollar, you can at least pretend you do. Hit up your local charity shop and Instagram your new fine-bone china, the latest gift from your super-rich-boyfriend. It’s like working in a pub, opening the glass-washer and thinking, “I just got a free facial,” instead of, “My make-up is melting, kill me.”
Secondly, the non-student person of your dreams is probably older. So kudos to you all, toy boys of the world; I salute you, women who have found someone with an equal level of maturity. As long as your other half is not thirty-seven and waiting for you to get out of uni so that they can marry you and make babies and ruin any chance of you achieving a career, you are a winner.
Thirdly, it is a fine thing to talk about more than just university-orientated stuff. You won’t be screaming at each other during exam period, crying due to stress and the fact that make-up sex isn’t even a thing anymore because you’re just so damn busy. Instead, ‘Student’ will be weeping into the works of Simone de Beauvoir and ‘Non-Student’ will be bringing tea, cake and orgasms: proven to reduce stress and kill pain (cake, I mean).
Fourth on the list is the fact that you can probably visit somewhere that is less ‘student dig’ and more ‘home is where the heart is.’ Even if they still live with their parents, ma’s cooking will generally be available, so it could be possible to eat something other than chips from Dixie’s or the Golden Fryer at least once a week. There will be the opportunity to watch TV and sit on the sofa or a massage chair. You will relax in your t-shirt knowing that you don’t have to pay for the heating and you’ll be sleeping in a room that doesn’t involve mould, damp or mice in the wardrobe. The prospect of a double bed will lighten your heart and loosen your limbs and you will sing in the (super-hot power-) shower once again.
So please: go forth and date a non-student. Live knowing you can escape if it all goes a little tits-up, able to head back to university where you don’t have to see said ‘one’ ever again. Not with the fear of bumping into them at Hail Mary and running off into the moonlight together only to roll over in the morning filled with sweet, sweet regret.
And if you still want to have a beautiful and meaningful relationship with a fellow student? By all means, do it. I’m sure there will be volumes of intellectual tension.