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KATY PERRY’S HALFTIME SHOW: A LIVE COMMENTARY

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Why does the World Cup not have some banging pop star to d——OMG KITTY PURRY IS ON FIRE. No, LITERALLY. Well, costume-ly enflamed as she launches into “ROAR” her most recent hit which – may I add – was a tune (if only for the first six plays).

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Giphy // Creative Commons

A white western person whipping anything in such an I-am-a-god sort of vibe is a tad disconcerting, but Perry’s entrance functions as a multifaceted symbol: “not only am I the hottest star in the world right now, but I am ELEMENTAL, I am a PHOENIX rising from the flames of breaking up with every manipulative little shit-head ex you’ve ever had//every person who told any of you, public of the world, that you were not good enough,” she inflammably exclaims.

Whilst the production admits a certain tone of “I am superhuman and I will use the same chord progression and pop sentiment again and again and again and STILL MAKE SHIT TONNES OF MONEY OUT OF YOU EARTHLY FOOLS”. Notice the levels: “I am above you”, screams the hierarchical placement of her – a phoenix – on top of a mechanical golden pug, us looking up from a tiny camera thinking shit that thing has laser vision. Oh, I think it’s a lion. No – a LIONESS (#feminism). This is to America what the golden calf was to the Israelites – yes, that’s right, AN IDOL. Pop idol. And she’s beautiful but MORE TO THE POINT she’s kicking serious Super Bowl butt. She elevates the room to her supersonic superfreak superb(owl) level and any sense of inequality between us mere mortals and K-Pez’s halftime show immortality is, for a moment, lifted.

This show is allllll ‘bout empowerment. And Pezza actually hasn’t got the worst voice in world, as some may expect. She’s doing far better than she fared on X Factor a few years ago, anyway. Maybe she should have roared there too. That was a bloody good roar.

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Giphy // Creative Commons

Okay now we are on a chess board where all the pieces are not Dark Horses as the song would imply, but are, in fact, luminous mechanical zebras. Way to break the stereotype. If you are impressed by the motion potential of the Knight and Bishop on a regular chess board, then this game of animalistic cyber acrobatics is sure to astonish you.

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Giphy // Creative Commons

HELLO Lenny Kravitz, where on earth did you come from? LENNY KRAVITZ singing I Kissed a Girl… And he LIKED IT? He’s probably enjoying that ‘slut-drop’ too. Why, when a man is playing a guitar, does a talented woman immediately become a sexual accessory to him? No, let’s not reduce this to a Miley/Robin lvl. K-Pez and K-Vitz are rocking out mannnn and they answer to no one, not each other, not some stupid reviewer, NAH WAN.

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Giphy // Creative Commons

Although I imagine Mondrian would be terrified by what she’s done with the primary colour scheme that accompanies “Teenage Dream”, I’d like to think he would be impressed by the way the sharks and dancing palm trees look animated from a distance. In a Bedknobs and Broomsticks-esque human/cartoon explosion. What it fails to show with the absence of Angela Lansbury, it makes up in terms of pure weirdness.You actually forget how many Katy Perry songs you know. So many HITS. California Girls. She’s so American. This whole thing is America in a cartoon. WHERE IS SNOOP? This can only lead to one thing: Snoop Dogg ripping off his shark costume like Marilyn Monroe emanating from a presidential bday cake!PLEASE LET SNOOP SHARK BE A THING. Or just go onto the next song… cool.

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Giphy // Creative Commons

OMGOMOMOGMOMGOGM NO! FUCK NO. IT’S NOT. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. Katy Perry you are redundant Missy Elliot has got her freak on and got everyone’s freak on and OH MY GOD MY FREAK IS SO UNASHAMEDLY ON, TO REMOVE MY FREAK WOULD BE FREAKIN IMPOSSIBLE. OMG I CAn’T TAKE HOW BRILLIANT THIS IS…….“TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF NWOD GNIHT YM TUP I” Missy Elliot saved the Super Bowl! FORGET TOM BRADY. Seahawks? Pats? WHO ARE THEY #bowdown

Giphy // Creative Commons

Giphy // Creative Commons

Even Katy Perry embodying that infamous firework metaphor of hers can’t quite beat that brilliant comeback. But at this point we are all emotional messes. Baby I’m a fireeeeeeWERK IT, I put my thing down flip it and reverse it. Soz, can’t get it out of my head.

Giphy // Creative Commons

Giphy // Creative Commons

God bless America!!!

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