We all know the story of how 50 Shades of Grey, the best-selling erotic novel in history, started life as a work of X-rated fiction based on the Twilight series. But while we’re all familiar, however reluctantly, with the 50 Shades series, not so many of us are as well versed in the genre that gave it life. Yes, I am talking about fan-fiction erotica. So, in recognition of this lineage I have made a list of the top 5 most bizarre erotic fan-fics that I’ve found on the internet. Brace yourselves, it’s going to get freaky…
5) Like Brothers or Like Lovers
A Sherlock/ Pokemon crossover. Basically Sherlock and Watson have a ‘romantic connection’, which freaks Watson out so much that he packs up his pokemon and runs away to use his skills as a doctor to help heal the wounded at a pokemon hospital. That is, until Sherlock tracks him down to rekindle their love..
It’s not too porny, just a funny concept with some sexy stuff thrown in.
4) A House Elf’s Needs
Size definitely matters in this sordid tale wherein little Dobby the house elf seeks comfort and other things in the arms of the half- giant Hagrid. It’s short, sweet (kind of) and to the point. Here’s a quote I think nicely sums up its essence:
‘Dumbledore has a very big wand!’ Dobby said. Hagrid coughed, a blush rising up past his tangled beard.
‘Er, ‘ere’ now, Dobby, when you say his wand… d’yeh mean his real wand? The one he does magic with?’ Dobby seemed puzzled for a few seconds, then nodded so hard his batlike ears flapped against his skull.
‘Yes, sir, professor Dumbledore is doing great magic with his wand!’
3) First Encounter
Yes, it is another Harry Potter one, but trust me it needs to be on this list. The Giant Squid rises (pun intended) from the lake and makes sweet, hentai love to Hogwarts. There are tentacles flying everywhere, questionable beastiality/ object sexuality and an actual building being brought to orgasm.
2) A New Shade of Green
A complex sex romp between Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf in Transformers) and Slimer from Ghostbusters gets interrupted by a parallel sex scene involving a random woman, Janet, who apparently works for the Ghostbusters, and a mystery couple who turn out to be Jean Grey and Wolverine. The scene change is nice because instead of dealing with all the slime in the Sam/ Slimer scene we get to read about our favorite mutants shit in eachothers mouths and eventually drown in it. Lovely stuff.
Widely regarded as the worst Lord of the Rings fanfic of all time. Celebrian is technically Elrond’s wife but in this she is referred to as his ‘pleasure toy’. Meh, tomaytoes, tomahtoes. She drinks a poisoned wine the Goblin King gives her and suddenly finds herself a little hot under the collar for his warty member. It’s awful, it really is. But if you can get over how bad the writing is, and how gross the descriptions are, it’s really quite funny.