My Discovery of Self-Belief

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These past two years have been tough on a personal and academic level – this involved addiction, ‘London poverty’ and self-doubt. I enrolled at Queen Mary in September 2013 through clearing simply because I felt it was the next socially accepted step in my journey. I managed to get through my first year scraping a pass due to a month of cramming. However, the summer of 2015 changed me for the better, I found self-belief.

Exam season was approaching and not long thereafter I felt daunted by the amount of work I needed to do to pass the year. I had zero confidence in my own ability and I constantly told myself that my presence at Queen Mary was a blip. Fast-forward a few days, it was the 12th of April, I woke up on a bright sunny day, got ready and dressed. The moment I walked out my door there was a large ‘For Sale’ sign. It was the landlord’s way of implying that my family and myself were being evicted.

By managing to scrape a pass for my first year, I kept telling myself the same thing would happen again. I confessed my situation to my best friend (E) and the words he said have resonated with me to this day: “believe in yourself and remain positive because everything will fall in to place”. Feeling helpless, I saw no harm in taking his advice on board. Every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed I stared at my reflection in the mirror and told myself that things will get better. I detached all negative thoughts from my mind by counteracting each negative thought with a positive thought. I compiled a study plan for the next month, which included flat hunting for my family and me.

I was focused for the next month and stuck to the plan. I kept telling myself I would do well. For the exams I previously thought I would fail, I would wake up on the day telling myself I would ace them. The affirmations affected me in such a way that I would start an exam believing that I was 100% ready, it felt like I had studied all year.

Fast forward to July, I checked my results on Mysis and I passed all modules averaging a high 2:1! As of August 2015, I completed a summer internship at a renowned consulting firm. The flat we lived in didn’t manage to get sold despite high demand and we had a smooth moving out after my exams. This summer has been the first time in my entire life that I’ve felt happiness. I feel like a completely new person and I finally know what I want to do with my life. Without self-belief I would never have put in endless hours of studying and I would never have remained calm. My one piece of advice is no matter how negative the situation you are in, remain positive and never doubt your own ability. Never regret a decision and always remember that everything happens for a reason, it will all eventually fall in to place.

Things aren’t perfect now but I know that I can deal with whatever life throws at me. I hope the advice E gave me will help whoever is reading this as much as it has changed and helped me. Remember, never doubt yourself.

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