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Brexit Sex Positions – To Get You Off As Britain Votes Us Out

So, we’re leaving the EU. Our voice as young politically active students has been vetoed by the demands of the older generation. And we are very sad about this. So what are we to do to cheer us up and distract ourselves from the decreasing value of the pound and the loss of job prospects? Have sex! If the country, your future, and the pound is fucked, then you may as well be too.

Farage Fisting
Aggressively fist your partner, while drinking ale. Tell them this is what the EU does to them every day. Seductively whisper lies about the NHS budget at the same time.

The Silent Corbyn
Completely disengage with your partner during intercourse until they get fed up and finish themselves off. Then pull out all of your sexiest moves, after they’ve already gone and it’s too late.

The Cameron Classic
Fuck a pig. Fuck your country. Fuck off.

The Value of the Pound
Go down on your partner. Keep going down. Further. A little further. Come back up a bit. Down again. Only come up again to tell them which countries no longer wish to trade with us.

The Reverse Sturgeon 
Fully cooperate for the most part, then when they come close to finishing decide independence and insist on finishing yourself off.

EU Orgy
Arrange an orgy, but only let them though the door if they have an EU passport. If a British person tries to get in tell them no. 48% of them will tell you they still want join, but the majority won’t. If a Scot comes to join in, you can allow this so long as they leave any other British counterparts outside.

The Sad Remain Voter
Try to enjoy yourself, but ultimately end up crying or seething with rage.

Right Good Borising
Perhaps if you are someone who is typically in a submissive position now is your time to assert dominance! Good ways to achieve this: lie about your sexual prowess. Lie about others sexual prowess. Lie about, or conveniently forget to mention, facts about sex. When your partner is close to finishing suddenly decide you’d like to take your time and slow things down.

Nobody Likes Experts
Avoid reading any sort of informative sex advice or guides. If anything, listen to things that sound implausible and unrealistic, try them and see if they work out. This could be risky, but don’t worry you are a strong independent person who wouldn’t benefit from being informed.

Happy Brexit everyone. Get fucked.

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