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An Aphrodisiac Picnic

Aphrodisiac Definition: Food that gets you in the mood (to fuck).

If you are experiencing a dry spell in your sex life, want to try spicing things up, or, like me and my boy, just fancy a bit of a sexy experiment (sexperiment if you will) you can try out the intriguing world of aphrodisiacs. It’s a simple concept really, certain foods do certain things, some fill us with particular vitamins and minerals to get our blood pumping, with which can come increased blood flow and in turn increase arousal and sensitivity. So that’s the science part, but, as with so much of sex, you have to wait for emotion and attraction to catch up once you’ve let your dinner settle. Aphrodisiacs aren’t tasty Viagra, producing instant boners.

Like all good sex columnists I consulted the Bible, and used Cosmopolitans’ Top 10 list of aphrodisiacs as my guide. So here’s a run-down of what we had: salmon, avocado, chilli pepper, dark chocolate, pomegranate, banana, red wine, watermelon and vanilla. You are probably noticing a gap, in that there is only 9 on my list, and yes we weren’t able to get the MVP of aphrodisiacs- the oyster- we were limited by what Morrisons had to offer at 9pm on a Tuesday night. Soz. We made tasty salmon skewers with avocado, followed up by a desert of banana, water melon, pomegranate, dark chocolate and vanilla ice cream. We had our jalapeño pepper in the middle, as a kind of palette cleanser seen as it burned the flavour of anything else we’ve ever eaten out of our souls. The whole meal was accompanied by the red wine, which for the purposes of science I splashed out a hefty £7.50 on.

The Results: It worked. We had a full hour and a half of fun that night which for two very tired overfed people was pretty impressive. But before you run off and fill your shopping basket with salmon and dark chocolate galore hold on. I feel the real star of the show was wine. And I feel any wine at any time can make us all a little bit horny, in fact most alcohol has that effect. But what set the mood more than any of the food was taking the time to actually do it. No pun intended. It felt special shopping for nice food rather than doing what we could with the reduced section. It was fun to cook together. And it felt all romantic enjoying the meal we had prepared together and taking the time to talk and just be together. And yeah wine makes me a little soppy so the night overall was a success. Just one final test to complete now- those bloody oysters!

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