When you first start dating with every date you want to grow closer and become intoxicated in every detail of the other person’s life. That tugging longing feeling is so strong that you want to catch up on not having known this person your whole life in a few rushed weeks. The feeling is exhilarating. There’s this new man in your life and you’re crazy about him. You have a sexual affinity together because within a few dates – if you’re a sexually-liberated proud-to-be millennial – you would’ve already slept together. If the sex makes you moan with pleasure, then you know you’ve hit the jackpot in the bedroom and it is time to develop the personality level to reach the same state of connectedness.
You’re in the honeymoon period: every little detail you’re too reserved to tell others just flows out with him because when you first meet and pour your heart out nothing seems too personal. All cards are on the table and you’re not keeping track of which ball is in who’s court. You’re just enjoying the ride and the company.
But what happens when you seem to skip over the honeymoon period and jump into an awkward stage: you think you still want him but he doesn’t seem as much into the whole thing as you are? His indifference is surprising because from the way he kisses you, caresses you, holds you, sleeps with you, it is just not what you expected. Still, he is detached. Still, he won’t say much. Won’t divulge how he feels. Like the truth is some James Bondesque deeply hidden secret that you’re supposed to uncover. Fishing for how he feels and coaxing it out of him is not the ideal scenario. Maybe he is just a guarded person and it takes more time than has currently elapsed for him to bare all and stand metaphorically naked in front of you (because the literal you’ve already seen). Is waiting for the breakthrough when he’s suddenly comfortable enough to be himself around you worth it, or has he been himself all along and you are just not used to a silent type of person?
It’s like watching a mime. The performer expresses his entire inner world through physical movements. His hand gestures alone are alluring because they’re loaded with innuendo. But is the mime’s performance enough?
You stay, but carry on questioning whether you two are right for each other at all. The initial attraction was spontaneous which was a rush because you never saw it coming. You two seemed to share a spark that sprung into attraction. It was animal and it was raw so you expected it to get better with time. Like a fine wine the longer it is left alone the better it’ll be once you finally unscrew the cork and savour the delicious juices inside. The guarantee that it’ll get better could be a false one though. Like many product guarantees in our capitalist world, businesses promise that the product will meet your needs 100%, and if it doesn’t then you can absolutely claim back all your money no problem, guaranteed. What a scam. You indulged yourself in the buy because, let’s face it, most people of our generation are relentless shopaholics who cannot walk by something shiny in a store window and not buy it. If it appeals to us we don’t wait – no one’s a sucker for delayed gratification – you want the object of your desire in the here and the now, no waiting required.
We don’t give relationships time anymore which could be part of the problem because we leave no room for error. If he does something that is not 100% compatible with your expectations, then it’s time to return the buy. We rush into relationships and then want to rush out even faster. The guarantee of compatible personalities through a satisfying sexual connection, or the expectation for euphoria in the bedroom when all you’ve done is talk is a farce. It is only through experience, through empirical evidence – been there done that sort of thing – that we can nurture and develop the guarantee. We have to fight for relationships to work, and fight for each other. Expectations, when the connection between two people develops at lightning speeds, are not always beneficial. They can leave us fabricating a life with the significant other without having gotten to know them.
But back to the dilemma at hand. If you feel as though the loved-up period when you intensely stare at each other with smitten early-relationship googly eyes is not there, then the question stands: do you run when expectations are met with reality, or do you say to hell with them and try the relationship anyway? Taking the gamble is risky because the only chip in the game you possess is you. You put yourself and your feelings on the line, you make yourself completely transparent and just hope that your partner does the same. But when it’s early on in the relationship, the bottom line, sadly, is you just never know.