My Awkward, Yet Somehow Comfortable – and Totally Affordable – Night Swingin’


Being invited to a swingers bar with my partner and friends, is one of my favourite stories and definitely an awkwardly liberating experience. This vibrant and kinky fetish club is ironically hidden behind some trees on a quiet residential road. Inside however, I was met with a compact yet playboyesque place for the open, modern, pretty kinky adult. As well as that, it is a heavily respectful and controlled environment, complete with a no phone rule, security guards and heavier prices on the men. You have to be careful in environments like this and they really are.

Let me talk you through the inside of this wondrous place. It is incredibly affordable – only a tenner to join! – for the girls, then with your subtle membership card, it’s a tenner from then on. You bring your own booze, but the mixers are free – as are the Jacuzzi, entertainment, pool and dungeon.

This place is the most affordable night out I’ve ever had I thought right before a half-naked 50-year-old, who genuinely looked like an 80’s porn star strutted past me. I looked around then and realised that me, Ashleigh and our friends were the minority in an environment of porn stars, naturalists and fetishists. To briefly sum up this place, let me do so for you in the porn cinema.

We were lying on the sofas of the dark cinema, watching porn casually, cringing at “daddy spank me”, and in front of us were two women kissing whilst their partners were fondling them. To the side of us was a man watching the porn whilst his partner pleasured him, (I feel it important to mention here that she choked at one point and he turned to Ashleigh and said “she’s still in training”), behind us was full-blown sex happening and some couples standing casually and watching with the occasional fondle. We were uncomfortable but went on to be invited for a four way in the swimming pool, watched intensely when we kissed and tried out the bits of equipment in the dungeon, awkwardly running away when anyone joined us. One thing I found was the men who tried it on were quickly respectful when we said no and so were the women. This leads me to wonder, is this not the best night out ever? It is completely controlled and respectful, it is equal yet still observant of the behaviours of excited males around aroused and sexy looking females, it’s liberating and allows a haven for couples who might find it arousing to fondle each other’s genitals whilst in a smoking shelter. It is also affordable for the struggling couple or students and it is a beacon of hope for anyone self-conscious of expressing themselves because sex is a beautiful and natural thing. Anyone can explore any part of themselves there, and if they are lucky, other people. Yes, watching porn whilst 50 year olds are humping away as they stroke your hand is awkward, but what’s not awkward is blending in with a crowd watching two women in a cage, or standing outside a door looking through a one-way mirror at an orgy. So if you’re stumped and poor one Saturday night, try it, you might find that once you open yourself to new environments and new ways of life, you might even love it – or just cringe less each time you visit, because trust me, you will go back!


Also, it’s a nudist bar during the day.

One Comment

  1. Mia says:

    Wow great article.
    Very much intriguing and also makes you want to know more.

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