Procrasturbation

fighting procrastination concept - do it phrase on color sticky notes posted on a cork bulletin board

We’ve all been there. Struggling to find motivation. Wrestling with an essay. Avoiding household chores. No matter what you do you can’t seem to enthuse yourself to do those things you promised yourself you would . Something must be distracting you from these tasks, but what is it? You aren’t hungry or tired or upset. So what could it be? Oh, you’re horny. And it’s distracting. So why not reward yourself early. You’re obviously going to have a very productive day of reading, essay writing and tidying your room so why not treat yourself to what I call procrasterbation- the act of masturbating as procrastination.

Now don’t be put off, masturbation has many benefits that you may not have realised. Masturbation can be viewed as a form of stress relief and has been linked with higher self-esteem and lower rates of depression. Not to mention all these unexpected health benefits, as apparently it helps prevent cervical infections and lowers chances of prostate cancer, as well improving heart health and lowering cholesterol. If you look at masturbation like this, it is positively healthy and good for that little body of yours, physically and mentally. And of course, I can’t neglect the most obvious and immediate benefit of masturbating – it feels great!

Once one has partaken in the act of procrasterbation the effects and benefits are pretty much immediate. Your body is full of feel good endorphins, you got your heart pumping and a smile on your face. Following this you get a certain feeling of clarity and new type of focus can be engaged now that your brain isn’t all fuzzed up with distracting horniness. Now I know, that whole ‘reward yourself before you actually complete the task’ concept rarely ever works, but in this case I think it actually does. It’s not letting yourself have some chocolate or a cigarette once you reached 500 words, it’s rather let me prep my body for some boring focus time by starting out with some fun. Think of it as a warm up, a few stretches before you hit the gym, a little doodling before you paint the picture.

If you are anything like me, you know that when you sit down to do a task procrastination will be inevitable, but it always helps to have your little focusing tricks. Some people may meditate, some people drink unhealthy amounts of coffee, others may check Facebook a hundred times before they even write their introduction. But whatever your procrastination vice may be, why not try this one. It may even make you more productive!

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