Just as we do, relationships grow older and eventually the thrill and sparks that were once racing like lightning bolts through our stomachs just aren’t there anymore. This does not and will not ever mean that we don’t love our partners just as much, it just means that we’ve gotten use to many things about being with them; sex included.
I asked around and realised it wasn’t just me, many couples who have been together for longer than a year got themselves into this rut of thinking about sex practically from time to time. The spark of spontaneity goes. Before you know it, you go from crawling up the stairs attached to each other’s lips, to peeling yourselves from the couch after a long day at work. Where you would break into spontaneous sex on the kitchen counter/floor during dinner, you go to “we should probably eat then see how we feel, it’s getting late.” From making a move beneath the sheets you go to questioning how many hours of sleep you’d get as you have an early start, would sex take up too much time?
I, myself have worried about this in the past, as has a good friend of mine who thought it meant he was losing feelings for his partner. But it’s not, in fact it’s the opposite. It’s a sign you are in a real relationship for the long haul. Relationships that are just starting out, are about exploring each other’s new bodies and new personalities. Some of those relationships don’t last. Some of them, as you pass through relationship milestones, grow into a cycle of same ol’ same ol’. But it’s a good same ol’ same ol’ as I can now appreciate. Although you’re going to bed with the same person every night, it’s a person who has grown to know and love you inside out. They know all your good’s and all your bad’s, like the way you have so much energy in the morning or the way your breath stinks in the morning. That’s not a romantic or sexy image for them, but my partner wakes up every morning and lays there kissing me for a good 10 minutes (admittedly she’s just stalling so she doesn’t have to get up for work).
I hated the loss of spark and spontaneity that came factory packed with a relationship but I’ve learned to see the good in this. I may sometimes think of sex in a pragmatic way rather than a spontaneous way, but it is only because I have been growing and developing on my journey with this same person who I now am used to and couldn’t love any less for it. For anyone who feels in this rut, take a look at some of our more adventurous articles and you will find heaps of ways to revitalise and ignite passion and thrill into your relationships sex life. You definitely don’t need to, but it’s always a fun spin.