How would you define your sexual personality? Did you even know you had one? What even is a sexual personality, you may wonder. Unlike sexuality, your sexual personality has nothing to do with whom you’re interested in. It’s about what you’re interested in. Your sexual personality is all about you. It’s about your attitude, emotional response and feelings towards sex. It explains the way you treat sex, how sex functions within your relationships, and the importance you place on sex in various aspects of your life. I had never really thought about having a sexual personality before, until a couple of months ago, when I went to the Museum of Sex.
It was at the Museum of Sex, here in New York, where I first took a sexual personality test. It’s structured as a series of statements to which you place yourself on a scale, such as from strongly agree to strongly disagree, for example. The statements were varying, from personal, to at times, explicit. What else would you expect from a sex test? The statements were based on experience, present feelings and fantasies.
It asked about relationships, your feelings towards art, and even about your general social behaviour. It asked questions I’ve never even asked myself, and otherwise would never have even thought about. Statements ranging from, ‘I would be willing to engage in a scandalous sexual relationship even if it risked other people finding out,’ to, ‘I don’t normally feel comfortable making myself the centre of attention.’ The test dug deep into every corner of my general personality, and told me a lot about something I previously didn’t know existed; my sexual personality.
The key to the test is being entirely honest, especially with yourself. Being completely open and answering even the most personal of questions can be difficult, but it is so rewarding.
So what is the point of discovering your sexual personality? Understanding how you truly feel about sex can be incredibly beneficial. It allows you to reflect on how you’ve treated sex in the past, and can shape how you treat it in the future. It can be helpful when thinking about your relationship to sex, and what’s the healthiest way for you, personally, to pursue it. It explains why you feel the way you do about sex, whatever that may be, and affirms that it is completely okay.
It explores the idea of a sexual personality being a spectrum, and being entirely fluid. You might feel one way about a certain aspect of sex, but the opposite way about another aspect. This might seem contradictory, but it exemplifies how deep and complex our feelings towards sex are; as individuals and as part of a wider society. The results come in a few categories, including ‘Attached vs. Independent,’ ‘Tactile vs. Cerebral,’ and ‘Explorer vs. Bonder,’ just to name a few.
What struck me about this test is how it has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. A sexual personality is entirely independent of your sexuality, which explains just how varying our attitudes towards sex can be.
You can find out your sexual personality here: http://www.sextype.me