Don’t Kiss and Tell

A lady doesn’t kiss and tell, or so we are told. And while this may seem like old fashioned advice, perhaps it’s advice we should take. We are fortunate to live in a time where women have more sexual freedom than they used to, and with this freedom comes the ability to discuss sex and relationships without shame. Breaking down the barriers of sex talk is definitely empowering, and women should feel free to be as open as they like when it comes to discussing sex.

Except when it comes to one topic: your number. You’re asked what your number is, or in other words, how many names are in your little black book? I think it’s about time we should stop answering this question. Preferably, we’d stop asking it all together, but we can start by not answering. And here’s why; every number has a preconception attached to it. If it is a low number, you’re frigid and inexperienced. If it is a high number, you’re a slut. The game of numbers is impossible to win. So why play?

In our discourse of sex, we should leave out the figures, because it really does not mean all that much. While it is empowering to talk about sex, perhaps it is more empowering to withhold certain details. Not out of shame, but out of the belief that it really does not matter. From now on, my number is for me and me only. Refusing to answer the question of ‘how many’ diminishes the power of the number and renders it useless. Nobody needs to know. By taking away the power of the number, the amount of people you sleep with means nothing to anyone expect you.

If you refuse to answer, there is a chance people might assume you’ve got something to hide, or are ashamed of your number. Forget these people. As long as you’re happy and safe, not hurting yourself or anyone else, you can do whatever the hell you want. Sleep with as little or as many people as you want. Just don’t tell anyone the amount of people. This will allow you so much freedom, as now you’ll free yourself from the judgement and criticism that comes with your number, whatever it may be. The next time you’re asked, don’t answer. Because it really doesn’t matter.

At this age especially, a number can be used against you. People compare numbers, and judge you based on your number in comparison with others. You’re not experienced enough, you’re too experienced. You started young, you’re starting too late. You’re immature, you’re reckless.

Maybe you’ve not slept with anyone, maybe you’ve slept with fifty. This does not determine your worth. It does not say anything about you. It means nothing. Maybe you’re a virgin, maybe you’re a slut. Who cares? Once we stop caring enough to answer, maybe people will stop caring enough to ask. And that’s when we know we’re really making progress.

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