The big O

It’s hard to think about sex without thinking about star of the show- the orgasm. Cumming, busting a nut, seeing stars, le petite mort (or little death, as it is known in French), whatever you want to call it, you cannot deny that the orgasm is a huge part of why we get down and dirty with each other and even ourselves. Why? Because it feels amazing! But with the excitement and rush which comes with the anticipation of the big O, so can a feeling of dread and inadequacy at the chance that it may not happen for you or your partner.

Before you have sex, and your awareness of it is based off of movies, TV and porn, it can appear like orgasms are something which both partners experience, at relatively the same time, with minimal effort and longevity, and when they happen they are loud and earth shattering. This, as you are probably aware, is not the case. It can be the case in many relationships were one partner orgasms more frequently than the other, particularly in heterosexual relationships where the man is more likely to experience orgasm during intercourse. Homosexual relationships have a much better track record for both partners getting their rocks off. But theses are stats and averages, and although they offer a broader understanding of orgasm rates, the truth is each individual can be completely unique and variable. For example, many women struggle to come from penetrative sex- but nobody talks about this. Yes it’s incredibly common, that women simply cannot come from penetrative sex, or they find that foreplay (hands and mouths) makes it much more likely that they will reach climax. However, the female orgasm seems shrouded in mystery as if in order for it to occur the sun must be at the right angle during the second phase of the moon and she must consume fifteen berries and wash precisely 1 hour before the act will occur. The truth is lots of gals prefer clit stimulation as an effective in reaching orgasm, and during penetrative sex it is often left alone and forgotten about. But because of sexual misconceptions, one can fear that there is something wrong with their body because they can’t reach that peak, when actually if we talked about it a little more we would know that’s completely normal.

A lot of what makes for a great orgasm is psychological also. If your mind and body are working together i.e. you’re comfortable, aroused, focused on the task at hand, enjoy the physical sensation and maybe  your mind is engaged in thinking of sexy thoughts and fantasies- then boom chances are it’s gonna happen! However, when your head is somewhere else, maybe stressing about how you look, thinking about all the work you have to do, maybe even overthinking the fact that you might not come- then sorry folks but it might not hit the high note. But remember the orgasm isn’t everything, and the less pressure you take off of it the more likely it is you will enjoy yourself; it isn’t a finish line with O at the end.

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