The concept of consent should not be a hard one to grasp, yet some people still seem to be struggling with the idea that no means no, and not ‘convince me.’ Therefore, I think it’s time for a mini refresher course in what consent actually means. Consent is typically defined as ‘permission for something to happen or agreement to do something,’ but I don’t think this is enough. Let’s go a little more in depth to avoid any miscommunication shall we?
What are the blurred lines between consensual sex and sexual assault? It’s definitely a grey area. If a woman tells you previously that she does not want to sleep with you, but later in the night you think the mood has changed, has her mind changed with it? Ask her. If she tells you again, ‘no, I don’t want to have sex tonight’, but you keep asking, and convincing her, telling her you really want to, and that she really should, and that it will be really fun, so that she eventually agrees, did she really consent? Or did she feel pressured and manipulated enough that she felt like saying yes was her only option? Does that sound like consent? It doesn’t sound like consent to me.
However, could this be considered sexual assault? Because the woman technically said yes, no matter how reluctantly, she said yes. She yielded to your pressure and fell for your manipulation and thought that agreeing would be the only way to get this over with. So you can walk away with a clear conscience, believing that you did nothing wrong. Because technically she said yes.
To prevent this from happening to anybody else who so unfortunately finds themselves in that sort of situation with you, I’ve created a mini lesson in consent: Before having sex with someone, you have to be completely sure that they really want this to happen. The key word here is ‘want.’ They have to want it to happen, not let it happen. Unless they have verbally told you that they want to, they don’t want to. ‘I suppose,’ ‘Okay, if you really want to,’ ‘Fine,’ and ‘If we have to,’ are not synonymous with ‘yes.’ If at any point you feel like they might not be into it, don’t push it any further.
Actually, why would you want to push it any further? Isn’t half the fun of sex having someone who really wants to be there with you? Maybe that’s a question for another day, and a question you need to ask yourself. For now, I’ll just leave you with one piece of advice; when a woman tells you she’s not into it, sex, you, whatever, take the hint.