Did you fuck? No, then you didn’t have sex

It’s hard to believe that in 2017 the concept of sex is still so stringently tied to the notion of a penis penetrating a vagina. So often when people think about losing their virginity or what is deemed as ‘going all the way’ it is classified by whether a dick went in a pussy. Not only is this extremely heteronormative but also dismisses so much of what is part of the sexual experience. For some people there is no penis or vagina- the hole being penetrated isn’t the one we expected or isn’t classified as full on sex. This is dumb. This is some stupid patriarchal shit which has tricked centuries of men into thinking they have conquered a female and that their shoving in of a cock has sexually satisfied that gal and made her a real women. Hopefully we all know this is complete and utter bullshit and here is why:

Foreplay is arguably the star of the show. Have you ever had it where the build-up is so good that you think why bother with the other stuff. Hands, mouths, toys and all other kinds of foreplay can make us feel amazing. Foreplay is often seen as prepping for the main event, loosening everything up and getting each other in the mood- but why does it have to stop? Of course foreplay implies ‘before intercourse’ but why keep it at the start, why not ride it through till the glorious end.

Penetration does not equal satisfaction. Yes for many the act of fucking or being fucked is highly satisfying and fulfilling but there is so much more to sex. If this is always the end goal then there’s always pressure on it to do the trick, so what happens when it inevitably doesn’t. We have been led to believe this is what sex is- most likely because penetration is more likely to promote procreation. But why not think, quite literally, outside of the box and realise there is so much more to sexual satisfaction than just in and out.

It’s not for everyone. For one reason or another you may at some point in your life sexually encounter someone who isn’t willing to partake. Be it for medical reasons, mental reasons or just personal preference, there are plenty of people who have no interest in that faction of sex. So in case this person is your one, true, soul mate and lover you might want to make sure you got something else up your sleeve to guarantee that you are making the most of your sexy times.

Next time someone asks you ‘Did you fuck’ and you ponder over does that count, if their response is something along the lines of ‘it only counts if it went in’ or ‘that’s not really sex if you only did hands and mouth stuff’ politely tell them to shut the fuck up. Of course sex is a self-definable thing and only you can decide where the line lies for you. But if someone thinks a dick has to go for it to count, they must be having shitty sex because they are missing out on a lot.

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