My boyfriend’s best friend from school is getting married in November to a lovely lady who (among other things) writes a blog about self-confidence, not judging others and mental health.
I went to the hen do and she showed me that they are planning to have personalised Top Trumps, with people and the respective categories, ‘adventurousness’ and ‘kindness’, etc. I was a very average card- mid to low 60s. Some of them are personalised and some aren’t, so I’ll never know if that’s just what they think of me!
The event is already pretty awkward, as two of my boyfriend’s exes are there and I am still not sure if they know who I am, but by the end of it I’m sure they will. And one of them got really high marks. So I will have to go to an event where we’ll be playing a game where you win by playing people off against each other and comparing. It is not that I can’t see the humour, but I am amazed she hasn’t realised how hypocritical it is. I don’t want to fall out and I certainly don’t want to cause any issues but it just seems like a terrible idea that could cause upset for not only me, but others too.
I have no idea what to do or if I should tell her or not.
Thanks and all best wishes,
Thank you so much for writing in! First things first, I just wanted to say that I think you are incredibly brave for planning on going to the event and it’s definitely the right decision to make, you shouldn’t feel bad or uncomfortable that your boyfriend’s exes will be there, you have just as much of a right to be there as they do.
I feel that the exes will probably know who you are, but if they don’t and they find out at the event there shouldn’t be any problems, you haven’t done anything wrong and you wouldn’t have been invited if the bride and groom thought there would be any drama! The personalised Top Trump game does seem a little awkward to say the least. I understand why you would feel upset about the whole thing, but please don’t take the point score personally- I’m sure the only reason that you would be given an ‘average’ point score is because you’re not very well known by the group yet. Once they get to know you properly at the event I am sure they will realise that you are anything but average!
Also, just a thought, is it possible that this could indeed be a game intended to boost self-confidence rather than destroy it? Bearing in mind the interest that the bride-to-be has in this subject, perhaps it is a tool she has used in the past to help with self-esteem and thinks it may act as an icebreaker! I am only presuming of course, and if this is not the case then she is being insensitive.
If I were you, I’d send her a light-hearted, private message about how anxious you are about attending the event and your worries about not knowing many people/the situation with the exes and mention about feeling nervous about playing the game. This way, you aren’t being confrontational or difficult; you’re just being honest and raising her awareness to the fact that the game may make you, and possibly others, feel a little uncomfortable. I’m sure she will send you a pleasant reply that will dispel any of your fears, and who knows, you may not be the only one of the party to have voiced your concerns.
I really hope this helps and wish you all the best. Please do write in to let us know what happens, we all have our fingers crossed for you! Lots of love, Bronte xxx
Whatever problem you have, big or small, do not hesitate to get in touch! My email address is: firstname.lastname@example.org . I’m always happy to help! xx