My sex education was pretty abhorrent during secondary school; perhaps because there was the humiliating experience of my Computer Science teacher guiding me how to put on a condom, but predominantly because there were so many deficiencies in it. But, as a young woman who was more interested in self-love, I noticed that there was nothing about masturbation on the curriculum. Now, I would not be writing this article if someone had not said something stupid to me over the course of my life: “men do it, women do not”. Yes, someone did say this to me. No, I did not slap them. But that’s when it hit me, there are so many foolish myths out there about masturbation, and I’m going to disprove ten of them for you!
- “You shouldn’t masturbate, you’ll stop enjoying having sex with your partner!”
I have recommended masturbation to a countless number of my friends, with this response thrown back in my face, with me laughing back in their face. This is not the case because I, unsurprisingly, still hold sexual desire for men. It’s complete rubbish because masturbation is supposed to be empowering. Rather than hinder sex with your partner, it’ll give you an understanding of what feels good for you and will help you in your voyage of a healthy sexual relationship. Besides, no one said you have to do it alone. Yes, I’m recommending mutual consensual masturbation. I know what I want from myself and a man now. So, learn what makes your toes curl and go explore your body!
- “You’re going to ruin your sex drive.”
I can assure you that after years of experience I am still going on strong. This is so clearly a myth because you can always shake it up. There are so many ways to achieve an orgasm. Some days you may need a quickie fix, but its those moments when you use different pressures, positions and techniques that will help you achieve that sheet-clawing orgasm!
- “Well, aren’t you the sexual deviant?”
Well, if it isn’t another silly myth someone has thrown in my face, and I’m only sexually deviant when I’m in the mood (yeah, I’m winking at you). I hate to break this to you, but it’s completely normal and if it’s sexually deviant you might have an aneurysm over some of the things I have done. Before you shun me to the nunnery with Ophelia, why would that pleasure exist if I can’t fulfil it? It’s normal and if you want to do it, go ahead, I will even cheer you on if you need me to – just not in person, please.
- “You’ll be hooked on the vibrator life…”
I get a lot of side-eye on this one because there is still such a stigma when it comes to sex toys, but that is a topic for another article coming soon. However, I can assure you that as great as they are, I am not attached to mine. There are just so many funny stories that come with mine; that is why you might think I am hooked! Like I said, I’m still changing things up all the time, so I am living proof that this is just another myth.
- “You’re doing it too much!”
Someone did say this to me (just give me a minute to eye-roll). Girl, I will tell you when it’s too much and that day isn’t coming any time soon. Yes, there are limits to everything, but I have not reached mine in a day with this. If I told you two people were having sex on-and-off all-day, I can assure it would seem less crazy than someone masturbating all day. What’s my response to that? Some people like to go on a spa day to achieve relaxation, I have found other ways and have no damns to give.
- “So, you’ve been doing it from a young age? You’re basically a sex addict.”
In all honesty, I get that by just saying I’ve masturbated, without any context. Some people do it regularly and it is part of their routine, such as exercising or bathing. Some people do it rarely, perhaps as an end of exams treat. No matter how long you have been doing it, I can assure you that you are not a sex addict or hyper-sexual. You have just decided to explore your body at an earlier stage than someone else. I must repeat: it is all natural! It is all a part of your sexual development. Just remember, that whether you started earlier or later than some people, it genuinely has no influence on your adult sexual behaviour.
- “It only carries health risks and absolutely no health benefits.”
Okay, I actually did think this because I began doing it without even knowing what the concept of masturbating was and became a self-educated connoisseur of sex education. Wow, that really does sounds as unattractive as it is. Oh well, I have helped people realise that this myth is not true, because it’s actually the ultimate form of safer sex. Of course, there are the obvious risks of skin irritation or an infection from unwashed toys, but as long you educate yourself in possible health risks and the psychological risks, you’re good to go. Besides, I am pretty chill and I can say that the best benefit is the stress-relief for myself.
- “Ew, you can’t do it while you’re menstruating!”
Now, I can see why people would thing this and it’s not a go to preference for many, but you can do it. So, if you don’t want to pop painkillers for those cramps, you could try getting yourself off instead. Orgasms are a really nice and natural way to help with muscle relaxation and relieve those menstrual cramps. This is when I remind you that masturbation is just about the safest sex you can experience and menstruation does not get in the way of that.
- “If you don’t do it you’re frigid and damaged.”
Yes, solo sex is a healthy form of exploring your sexuality. But, not everyone does it, and that’s okay, too. While I recommend it, you should only really masturbate if that’s what you want to do. I know some people who do it frequently and I know some people who don’t do it all; what you do with your genitals and how you explore your sexuality is your business. However, you need to remember that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
- “There are a finite number of orgasms.”
I actually believed this one for a hot-second and it shook me to my very core. Don’t worry, there are an infinite number of orgasms! We should have a party about this because this is awesome news. This myth emerged because some people have thought that the older one gets, their ability to have an orgasm goes away. Luckily for me and you, age is just a number, with the quality and frequency of your orgasms remaining intact! So, go at it as much as you heart desires!
I hope you have all realised these masturbation myths aren’t true and that as a society we shouldn’t continue to believe them, or to spread them amongst ourselves, or future generations to come. When that guy told me as a vagina-owner I shouldn’t masturbate, he should have realised that I can! There are so many masturbation myths that should not exist alongside the guilt and shame that already exists around it, especially for people who don’t know much about sex to begin with. It plays a huge role in sexual development, so we don’t need to be throwing rumours and myths that simply aren’t true out there. My message: unless you’ve educated yourself and become the sexpert, like myself, then you have no right to throw myths at me about masturbation.