Recently I have had an eye-opening moment, I am officially single for the first time in over four years and I’m learning to cope with it. Since the age of 14 I have been in several relationships with no breaks in-between but now I am single at age 19 and feel completely lost. I have had to come to terms with how to cope with being single and therefore, what follows are some of my thoughts and tips on being single:
For me being single is extremely daunting, the feeling of not having that one person to rely on has always made me feel slightly off. However, being single gives you some time for yourself, to pamper and better yourself. This alone time can help you rediscover yourself; for me, I have always thought my self-worth was conjured by my partner. That is not true. My self-worth is based on my own view of myself. Therefore, being single allows you to focus on yourself and learn that you do not need someone else to determine how great you truly are. In these moments of alone time you can do the things you have always wanted to do. Embrace the alone time and use it for the better, give yourself a well-deserved break and treat! Being single is a call to focus on you, allow yourself time to heal and grow before adventuring onwards to a new love.
Change is good. Yes, it is scary, but change can be great. Change is like an open door which leads to new opportunities and experiences, but first you need to walk through the door and take the first step to embrace this change. You do not need to change yourself, better yet don’t! Rather, stay the person you are and improve other aspects of your life. For example, if you want to better your health, change your diet and exercise, go out and have fun, meet up with friends and spend time with your family but always stay true to yourself. Change does take time to get used to, for some it takes months and for others it can be mere hours, this is normal as everyone is different and every break-up is different. Becoming comfortable with being single does not have a time frame, some people never feel completely comfortable being single and that is okay, but if you are happy within yourself and do not jump into meaningless relationships, you’ll come out the other end a better person.
Being single does not mean you are afraid to love again, being single means, you want more from a relationship and that is perfectly ok. Being single gives you time to reflect on previous relationships and almost note down what went wrong so that you can look for a better suited relationship, being single will almost immediately open your eyes. However, as I stated before some people struggle with being single; I am one of these people and I have come to terms with the fact that jumping into the next one will not fix the issues of the last one. As Monica from friends said, ‘If you’re afraid of a real relationship, don’t be in one’. For me I seek the comfort of someone and as a hopeless romantic I fall hard for people. However, being single has made me realise that I need to think before I fall again. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling and you should not push these feelings under a rug, however, jumping into things too quickly can lead to a ripple effect where you come right back to where you started.
Life is a balance. When there is darkness there will be light. Always remember that when there are bad times, good times will follow. Being single does not have to be all darkness, however there will be moments of down time but being single also has its up moments. The frill of dating, of bettering yourself, doing the things you’ve wanted to do and rediscovering yourself, they all come whilst being single. Therefore, a piece of advice I’ve given myself is that being single isn’t the end of the world, but rather the beginning of something new.