It is perfectly normal for couples to decide to spice up their relationships by introducing kinks and fetishes, however these are not always discussed in a mature or positive manner in the media. Stereotypically, fetishes are referred to as jokes when explored in tv shows or films, especially in relation to the kinkier ones. The only representation that we have of kinks and fetishes is presented in the film franchise ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, however this too is misleading and doesn’t present most kinks that people commonly enjoy. Having a fetish or a kink is NOT something to be ashamed of as many people engage in similar activities and it most certainly should be represented in the media in a more positive light. Lovehoney did a survey on the ‘top ten most common kinks’ and many of them are not as hard-core as people believe all kinks to be…
One of the most common of them all is filming yourself having sex which may have occurred due to the porn endemic. People feel a frill when they know that they are being filmed whilst having a private sexual encounter with a partner. Filming yourself can most certainly boost self-confidence however, re-watching it can cause the polar effect, leaving you feeling extremely body conscious. The second most common kink is referred to in the film ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and that is BDSM. BDSM has been given a makeover since the film’s success, what once was referred to as weird or seedy is now accepted as a normal part of sex and relationships. BDSM is an umbrella term for a variety of kinks and fetishes which can be purely sexual, or a lifestyle as seen in submissive and dominant relationships. BDSM has both soft-core and hard-core elements which include thousands of kinks, desires and fetishes therefore, BDSM can appeal to anyone. There is a whole BDSM community online who partake in teaching safety within BDSM, educating and liberating themselves through their various kinks.
Another kink which is presented a comical in the media is role play. Role play is an extremely common kink and allows the individual to escape their own sexual restraints and dive into a new persona. It is a fetish, much like BDSM, that can be either soft-score or hard-core depending on who the character you are role playing is and what their relation is to your partner. Individuals can dress the part with costumes or just take on the character of the role they want to play, the choice is up to you. Role play is mostly demonstrated in porn with examples such as pizza delivery guy, doctors, police officers and many more. Referring to dressing up, latex and leather is also a very common kink especially for the leather pride community. The appeal of leather and latex is that it shows the body of the individual and leaves very little to the imagination.
Another common kink is just rough sex, it may not appear as a kink as it’s not as extreme as the previous kinks stated but it still classes as one. Rough sex can involve biting, scratching, power play, name calling but it is all consensual and both parties have agreed the limits that they can go to. This is also where ‘safe words’ come into play. Safe words are pre-negotiated words that can pause a situation, they are extremely useful and allow safe sexual play. That’s the main purpose behind introducing kinks into a relationship, the element of trust and safety must be there before any exploration can occur and I believe the media misrepresents how intimate and loving kinks can be within a relationship.
Therefore, kinks are common in most relationships and couples use fetishes to spice up their love life. They are not something to be ashamed of or the butt of a joke but rather should be explored in the media maturely and positively, which ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ tried to depict. Remember when exploring new sexual territories to make sure you have trust in your partner and you set out guidelines to protect yourself and your partner. However, there are many more kinks out there, thousands more than I have spoken about and they come from both ends of the extreme spectrum therefore there is a lot of choice and experimentation to be had.