Tormented – A Poem About Eating Disorders.

I’m a war unto myself, gambling away my health,

Raging mood swings, feeling faint as my head swims-

From lack of food

An empty void occupies my tummy; my days are dark and cease to be sunny,

I am possessed by the image I have conceived in my mind,

An image that is impossible to find,

I carry this heavy burden on my back, venturing further and further down-

This lonely track…

Further and further from who I used to be,

When I look in the mirror I no longer recognize me,

Bones protrude from underneath my skin; voluptuous, womanly curves are missing,

I resemble a tormented child; constant calorie counting is driving me wild,

Baggy clothes help to camouflage by diminishing form, I appear isolated and withdrawn,

Vast circles eclipse my eyes, my body communicates with weary sighs,

Do you think I want to be like this? But the temptation is hard to resist,

As my weight continues to plummet, I am closer to scaling my summit,

Yet guilt overwhelms me – I cannot meet my parents eyes filled with anguish and pity

But how can I tell them the thought of food fills me with dread?

Or, that I would rather listen to the ferocious growls of hunger instead?

Now a year has passed and I have moved on,

I have acknowledged my actions were wrong,

Although I have not reached my ideal weight,

I am content and in a good mind state.

Now when I look in the mirror I am confronted with a smiling me,

The version of myself I always wanted to be…