Maybe I’m a Switch After All!

You heard it right!


After exploring BDSM within my personal relationships, maintaining the submissive role, I recently discovered that I am in fact a switch which made me think about the roles that we fall into when engaging in BDSM related sexual scenes and why we do not experiment with others- the obvious explanation is comfortability and safety within that assigned role but from personal experience, testing the waters is certainly worth it!

Firstly, what is a switch? Certain people gravitate to certain roles whilst some are able to engage with both dynamics and their mood or the atmosphere of the sexual act can determine which role they undertake. A switch is exactly what it says on the tin- a person who switches between submission and dominance. Being a switch does not mean you are less of one or more of the other, all it means is that you enjoy switching between the two depending on your mood.

Being a switch can be more than just sex, it rather shows how comfortable you are in either a dominant or submissive role and for a switch, it shows how free their sexual expression is. Being a switch merely comes down to your desires around control within the bedroom, whether you enjoy being told what to do, giving demands or exploring both sides. What is interesting about the switch dynamic is that it is hard for men to accept that they can be submissive. Andre Shakt, a sex worker spoke to Men’s Health stating that men are told to have ‘strength, power and authority’ as this is favourable and therefore, being a submissive is a hard concept to grasp. Society still rewards masculinity and therefore, it is harder for men to accept a submissive role in a sexual act because in a societal view he is accepting the weaker position. Women find being a switch much easier!

So, how does one explore being a switch? There are many ways to test the water in discovering whether or not you are a switch. Dirty talk is the easiest- if you are trying to be dominant, use demanding language (in a consensual way) to put forward a narrative which puts you in control. Tell your partner what you wish for them to do to you and what you wish to do to them. If you wish to be submissive then use language which suggests an innocence.

Now the more important thing to explore, how do you bring up ‘switching’ to your partner, the most important thing is communication. Bring up your sexual desires in casual conversation and move that to the bedroom. If you and your partner discuss your desires to try a switch sexual scene then go for it! It is always best to discuss things afterwards too, to see what worked, what didn’t or what can be added… and especially, whether you and your partner enjoyed engaging in a switch sexual act.

From personal experiences the best thing to do is be as open to your partner as possible. Communication is key, you must be able to express what you want and desire in a safe environment before you can act upon it. It will be a little messy and silly to begin with, you will make mistakes but it is how you recover from those embarrassing moments with your partner that means the most. It is a learning curve, it will take time and practise to explore your sexual desires but it is worth it for the fun!

Allow yourself to explore your sexual desires. Take baby steps towards incorporating switching into your sexual life, start with talking before whips and chains.

Explore. Enjoy. Thrive.


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