Dating after a long-term relationship breakup- What’s new?

The dating scene constantly changes, the way we interact with people, the goal of dating them casually or having something more serious with them can be a minefield to explore when you have recently left a long-term relationship. I, myself, was with someone for four years and when I began to look into dating, I was amazed at how many sites and apps there was (and is) for dating. However, this article is about the more subtle ways of dating and flirting which do not to write a give a quirky bio about yourself… I’m talking about the good old ‘sliding into the DM’s’ and the commenting on posts trick. The more wholesome method in my opinion (or can be!)

Sliding into DM’s

Sliding into someone’s DM’s can be a good way of starting a conversation and to get the feel of a person. It could be a really wholesome comment on their story, perhaps you are interested in something they have shared or you just want to try your luck. I think depending on the type of person you are trying to contact and the way you come across can COMPLETELY dictate how well the conversation will follow.

I for one, am someone who loves to give my friends as much appreciation as possible and I will heart emoji all of their stories if I can… and if I find someone cute, I’ll send them a little heart eyes or perhaps a little one liner. This is an easy ice breaker because who doesn’t like being complimented?! From experience, this can go horribly wrong if the person slides into your DM’s with something way too personal or risqué off the bat, so before you send that message check that;

  1.  You would personally like if someone (a stranger) sent you that exact message- if it makes YOU uncomfortable then it will certainly make the person feel uncomfortable.
  2.  You would not mind if anyone saw what you sent them- I think sometimes we forget that social media is NOT private and people can easily screenshot messages, would you feel embarrassed if someone showed you a screenshot of a message you sent? If so, do not send it!

Something light and fluffy is a good way to slide into someone’s DM’s, something that can be played off as friendly banter if the person does not take the bait and if they do, then the conversation can flow from there. It is easy to feel intimidated about messaging someone first, heck there has been many scenes in films of girls telling their friends to never text first but personally, I think that is completely wrong! If you are interested in someone, throw them a message! No harm can be done from a heart emoji and even if they do not reciprocate the feelings or if nothing follows from said message, at least you tried… there is less pressure on social media to flirt than on apps such as Tinder.

The wholesome comment

Instagram is an goldmine for flirting- yes, a comment here and there allows the ‘sliding in the DM’s’ process to be a much smoother and less awkward situation. A comment on a selfie is a clear indicator, stating ‘I LIKE YOU’ without openly saying anything! Again, an emoji can do wonders here or a single word or phrase such as ‘angel’ or ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’ goes a long way on social media! The only downside of comment flirting is that everyone can see it, and if you continue to comment on most of the persons posts, you may come across as needy or creepy… especially if they are ignoring it. However, most of the time these comments are taken with glee and can spark a conversation.

You do not need to comment on just selfies but anything and everything! If you agree with their caption then comment something. The commenting method of flirting is a good way to narrow down each other’s interests and likes/dislikes on a public level… meaning there are no emotions and both individuals are being open and honest. I find when you discuss your hobbies or interests on a dating app, people tend to just agree with what you like because they do not want you to disappear, it can be a very fake atmosphere.

These two types of flirting are more laid back than creating a whole profile dedicated to selling yourself to your next lover and I find it a much more wholesome way of sparking a conversation. It shows that you took the time to engage with the person through their posts and decided to physically message them rather than endlessly swiping right. I also think it is a nice slow flow back into the dating scene if you have recently ended a long-term relationship as it allows you to test the waters. Dating apps can be scary and the idea of trying to find someone is scary, I for one find it intimidating, I would rather let things happen naturally with a little bit of help from a comment or message here or there.

My overall advice for a laid back dating approach:

  1. When sliding into DM’s, do not say anything you might regret or find embarrassing ten years down the line.
  2.  Keep it PG13, again social media is not private and a picture of your bits and bobs will not secure a date any time soon.
  3.  When commenting on posts start off with a simple emoji or a compliment.
  4.  Do not comment on every single post, you do not want to come across creepy.
  5.  Message first! This goes for the girls who believe it’s the guys role to take the first move… it’s 2020 girl! Message him or her now!
  6.  If they do not take the bait or seem uninterested, do not push it. Plenty more fish in the sea.

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